I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Randomize