my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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