uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Randomize
