idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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