Pappa wants mamma naked
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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