I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
