WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Pooping to opera.
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