So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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