I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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