so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
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