I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Randomize