I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
