Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
bring money and cleavage
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
