Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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