I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
