The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
