Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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