He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
