i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
