I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Randomize
