Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
