your thong is hanging out like whoa
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
