I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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