Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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