There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
