this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
