Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
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