Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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