I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
