I'm pants shitting drunk right now
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize