I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Randomize