You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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