have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
