Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
