i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
