just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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