hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
