this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Threesome in a minivan. New low
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
