Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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