Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Come see our sink grown plant.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Verdict: uncircumcised.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
