One girl and one boy is just not enough.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize
