Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
