Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize