I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
