i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Randomize
