You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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