you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
