Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
