tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
So much rum. So many feels.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
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