If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize