I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
