A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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