Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize