She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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