someone owes me an orgasm
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Randomize