Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
