So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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