On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
