Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
