when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
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