I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
