I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Randomize
