dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
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