woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Randomize
